Struggling with nerves before an event or first date?

I often have people say to me that they would really love to come to one of the events I use to run, but they’re too scared. They just can’t bring themselves to do it. I use to have people book onto events and then, at the last minute, they’re not well – quite often, this is true. They are absolutely sick, sick with nerves – that feeling in the pit of your stomach where you just know you’re going to be sick. You just can’t do it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now you just can’t. Or can you?

Here’s some useful advice on walking into a room full of strangers with confidence or going on that first date.

You might have lost confidence over the years – it happens. We’re all born with loads of confidence, and gradually, life either builds us up or knocks us down. It can do both. Sometimes, after divorce or loss, we suddenly find we have no confidence.

We need to rebuild it, I have a confidence-building course, which takes you from where you are now to ready to date in six weeks. The course can be taken at your own pace. You will have things to read, watch and homework to do. You will already know rebuilding confidence is not always an easy task, this course offers you the support to do that at your own pace and to achieve what you really want - to date again with confidence and purpose. Course Details

But in the meantime, here’s some great advice on walking into that room or going on that first date.

So, you’ve booked the event or agreed the date. It’s fine. It’s two weeks away. You can do this. It’s cool.

Oh no, it’s tomorrow. You’re starting to get nervous now. Palms are now sweating just at the thought of it. You’ve got that awful feeling in your stomach. You hope you’re not coming down with something. The day arrives, and you feel sick. You can’t do it. You can. You can’t. You can... You’re having this inner debate with yourself. You may even drive to the venue, sit in your car, and then go home.

I know this because I did it. I walked into a room full of strangers – 200 of them, to be exact -at a black-tie ball the night before New Year’s Eve in 2022. I really wanted to get out, meet people, and not sit at home for the rest of my life on my own. Let me tell you, it gets easier.

Now, having run the business Singles Socials for two and a half years, I spoke to many, many single people about this very subject, hence putting together the course. So, I speak from both personal experience and the shared experiences of others.

Here’s my advice:

Book that event, say yes to that date!

Before you go, do your homework. Do a quick recce – do a dummy run if you need to. Find out where you’re going to park your car, how long it will take to walk from your car to the venue, which door you need to enter, and which room you need to go to once inside. Leave nothing to chance.

Check the car park machine. Is it an app? Is it cash? Make sure you’re fully prepared. Do your prep like a Boy Scout or a Girl Guide. Know exactly where you’re going, where you’re parking, how long it will take, and where the venue is. By doing this, you eliminate those little things that trigger anxiety and make you feel more nervous.

So, the night comes. You feel sick. It’s time to put on your big boy pants or big girl pants and pull them right up.

On the way there, I want you to repeat after me:

“I can do this.”

“I’ve got this.”

Keep telling yourself this because, trust me, you can.

As soon as you pull up, get out of the car. Walk with purpose towards the venue, shoulders back, head held high and put a smile on your face. Trust me, when you smile, the world smiles with you. The first person you see will smile back and say hello. Trust me on this one.

If it’s one of my events, I’ll be there personally to greet you. I’m sure other event organizers also make sure new people feel welcome and at ease – we’ve got you.

If the first thing that comes out of your mouth is “I’m so nervous” or “I’m so scared,” this is great! A little bit of vulnerability goes a long way in making friends. People will instantly connect with you because every single person in that room has been exactly where you are and knows how you feel. The barriers come down instantly, and the people in that room will warm to you. The first worried out of Pete's mouth when I met him were "I am so nervous" It melted my heart, I gave him a hung and said "It's ok, I don't bite" The rest is history.

So, be human. Be a little bit vulnerable. Do the right thing, take charge today, and change your life.

I’m proud of you.

Jan